Charity Lawson on the Bachelorette Finale & Dotun

“Initially at hometowns, I did say that I was falling in love with Dotun. That wasn’t shown, but at that point people were really locked in.”
Photo: Craig Sjodin/ABC

Despite the season’s shortened episode count, The Bachelorette succeeded in getting a rare, asymmetrical dress-clad fairytale ending on its August 21 finale. No breakups! No social-media scandals! Just … two hot people planning on walking down the aisle in due time. Charity Lawson and Dotun Olubeko got engaged in a Fijian paradise and confirmed, months later at the show’s live taping, that they’re still happily together as a couple with their sights set on building a family. “Dotun says this beautiful thing about me, which is that I lead with love,” Lawson now tells me. “It’s something I’m very gifted at doing, and it makes sense with my line of work. I love people.”

Lawson, a 27-year-old therapist from Georgia, is heading to Dancing With the Stars in a few weeks, shiny Neil Lane bling in tow. She says the decision to boogie reflects the woman the franchise embraced as its lead — one who cuts above the bullshit to forge trust and intimacy with the contestants. She hopes viewers, and perhaps a retrospective Bachelorette appraisal, will be able to see such a standard above all else. “I’m not into foolishness. I set the tone of being a well-rounded person who’s looking for love,” Lawson explains with a smile. “At the end of the day, I’m going to make errors and mistakes. I’m not perfect. I don’t want any Bachelorette that comes after me to think they have to be like that. I learned that from previous Bachelorettes. Nobody does this perfectly because there’s no way to do this perfectly.”

You were given just nine episodes to forge a meaningful romantic connection. Did you find this to be unfair?
I don’t want to say “unfair,” but I was a little surprised. I was like, Oh, okay. But what could I do about it? I just had to roll with it. Once I understood that, I realized I had to be more intentional with my time and how I utilized it with each of the guys.

Were you ever told why your season was shorter?
I wasn’t. I’m assuming we got a stacked fall schedule with Golden Bachelor and Paradise. Maybe they had to get me in there quickly. There’s so much Bachelor content.

Every relationship on your season was given an edit, for reasons that were strategic for both time and narrative. Was there a moment that didn’t make the cut between you and Dotun that viewers would’ve benefitted from seeing?
Yeah, there were two things. Initially at hometowns, I did say that I was falling in love with Dotun. That wasn’t shown. I think it would’ve set him up really far ahead of the other guys. With him meeting my family in Fiji, I know that was a really rough edit. It was harsh, but I don’t think it was the “reality” shown in its true, real fashion. It didn’t go in anyone’s liking. My parents both gave Dotun their blessing, and they were thrilled for him. If that was shown, I think that would’ve eased things.

We usually see the lead’s parents be forthright to a fault, but I found it interesting that your mother refused to give a decisive answer about your final two men. In hindsight, do you understand why she did that?
Absolutely. In that moment, I probably would’ve been easily swayed. I made every decision up until that point by myself. The biggest one would’ve been reflective of what my parents or family members said. I respect her for giving me that space and freedom to make the decision on my own and follow my heart as opposed to what anyone else may think or see in that moment. I respect it, even if it was hard watching it back. It was hard at that moment. But I got exactly what I wanted and chose the absolute best.

I was surprised your brother didn’t take the free trip to Fiji for the finale. Where were he and his fake mustache hiding?
That fake mustache was in costume. He does theater on the side. Pediatric dentist by day, theater star at night. He had a show running for a few weeks, and it was the very last show that weekend. He couldn’t leave. I was like, Can the understudy step in? Can anyone else do it? But he was like, I don’t have time for this. He was the first person I called after the proposal.

Did you get the sense that Aaron was legitimately there to reconnect with you in Fiji or was it a ploy from the producers to create strife?
I honestly don’t know. I was shocked and surprised. He probably was approached to come back, and he was like, Yeah, let me do this. Where we left off, things could have continued to grow. That’s why you see me go through that decision-making and try to figure out if I should give him more time. It didn’t hurt. I had two very strong connections, but your feelings don’t dissipate overnight. So I was like, Okay, why not? Let’s make sure we’re exhausting all things here to get to the best.

Besides the conversation with your mom, what was most difficult for you to relive this season?
Saying good-bye to Joey and the breakup. To watch it live was difficult. I knew exactly what it was like at that moment, and it wasn’t easy. It sucks being able to put yourself back in that position and make sense of those emotions again. I know it was hard for viewers at home to be like, Oh, it’s not Joey.

How did you and Dotun stay in touch in the interim period before the finale aired? Were you given “happy couple weekends” to enjoy?
Yes, we had the opportunity to watch so many of the episodes together and spend a lot of quality time over these last few months in hiding. We did things to continue to get to know each other but also strengthen our relationship and lay that foundation before the season came out — talking about a lot of challenging things. I like to say “filling in the gaps.” We had weekends together, and they were used very wisely.

What are the logistics of that sort of visit?
The show does a fantastic job of making sure we’re taken care of. The whole point is that we can’t be in public. There are a lot of loopholes behind the scenes.

How have the statistics of Bachelorette and Bachelor relationship failures informed your engagement and what you want to present to the public?
It’s not really how I want to present myself to the public. I think what I am is what I am, and what we have is super-special. Once filming was done, we took full autonomy and control over our relationship, and now we have the reins. We’ve always had the reins, but now the relationship is not at the expense of other things going on. The failures are on our radar. We have the necessary tools to make sure we’re doing what it takes to keep our relationship a priority, and that isn’t going to change. The whole goal for both of us was finding love, and we found exactly that. We want to maintain control and prioritize each other. We continue to fall deeper in love.

Did you seek advice from previous Bachelorettes who have been successful in the long-term?
I did. I wanted to know, What did you learn from this that you would tell someone else who’s trying to navigate this crazy journey? That’s the biggest piece: There’s outside noise. We know people are going to say what they want to say. That doesn’t matter. It’s just us two.

At the “Men Tell All,” you had a sharp moment of transparency with Brayden where you explained how you gave him more grace than you should have. Were there any other moments this season where that attitude applied, either with the contestants or production?
You never know what’s going to be thrown your way. You don’t have full context for everything, so you need to go with the information you have. So I actually gave myself grace in that way while I watched the season back. Okay Charity, you could’ve snatched the rose back, but you don’t know how things are gonna play out. You need to be confident in that. I think I acted on everything how I should have, but also, you see me have a heartbreaking break-up with Xavier. In that moment, I definitely felt I handled things to the best of my ability, but maybe I should’ve acted on my gut a little earlier and not been so graceful. Between Brayden and him, it was among the most stressful and difficult things to deal with.

You’ve stated that you would be open to televising your wedding, which the first Bachelorette, Trista Sutter, also agreed to. For me, this confirms you want to maintain a strong allegiance to the franchise moving forward. How do you see that relationship evolving?
We’re not actively wedding planning in any way right now. It’s a possibility, and we’ll see. We’re enjoying this season of life. If the opportunity comes, we’ll consider it, but I’m very aware that day will be very special. A wedding is extremely intimate. I want that moment to still remain somewhat sacred to us. I do value connections and the people who walk into my life. If I’m respected and treated well, then obviously I’ll do that in exchange. I’ve met fabulous people here, and I hope we can maintain what we’ve built. I don’t have a game plan of what’s next, opportunity-wise. Who knows. We’re definitely not trying to stay in television. We’re going to leave that. But the doors are open and things are coming our way.

You’ve also discussed what you want your future with Dotun to look like, from moving in together to potentially having two weddings. What about your professional future? Do you still plan to work as a therapist?
It’s a little tricky right now, having not gone to work in several months. I was passionate about getting my degree in mental-health counseling. I do, at some point, know I can always go back to that. I still very much have that passion to help people and help children in particular. I plan on going back at some point. I don’t know how soon that will be and for how long, but I’ll be utilizing my degree whether that’s in an office, out of an office, or on a platform. Who knows. But that degree will not go to waste, I guarantee.

Since 2008, The Bachelorette has run between 10 and 13 episodes per season.