DeSantis Shakes Up Campaign by Replacing Self with Appealing Person

TALLAHASSEE (The Borowitz Report)—In a campaign shakeup that he is calling a “game-changer,” Ron DeSantis is replacing himself with an appealing human being.

“In Iowa and New Hampshire, I’ve listened as voters have told me loud and clear what they want in a candidate,” he said. “And what they want is not me.”

“Let me say to all of the Republican primary voters out there: message received,” he declared.

In the effort to replace the Florida governor, his campaign has begun compiling a list of people who are more likable than DeSantis, a roster that reportedly runs into the hundreds of thousands.

DeSantis’s campaign spokesman, Harland Dorrinson, said that the candidate’s decision to replace himself with a non-odious substitute “shows that he’s willing to make the gutsy calls a leader has to make,” and added that the future of the governor’s white go-go boots is yet to be determined.